Put on a mask, be someone else

I’ll be honest, I judged The Vanishing Half by the cover. I saw people sharing pictures of this cover, and didn’t really bother to read what the book was about. I assumed that it was a book about a White woman, half self-help, half memoir. But it began turning up on ever must-read list, and every friend’s Instagram story. I read short summaries about The Vanishing Half, and yet nothing compelled me. Not until did I hear that this was a story about colorism, did I pick it up.

And I’m glad I did.

Growing up in India, I could see the traces of our recent colonial rule. The obsession with skin color, and the status it gives you in society is pervasive. Fairness cream advertisements didn’t seem strange to me for a long time. Relatives commenting on the color of my skin, and giving me home remedies to lighten it was normal. The obsession with light skin, and its implication of beauty, societal status, and caste is all around me. As a person with relatively fair skin, it was nothing more than irritant, rather than a tool to oppress me.

But that’s not always the case.

In The Vanishing Half, twin sisters Stella and Desiree Vignes grow up in the fictional town of Mallard: a town created for Black people with light skin. The twins leave the small town, and then eventually split ways. Desiree lives her life as a Black woman, eventually returning to Mallard with a Black daughter, and Stella lives her life as a White woman, hiding her past from everyone, including her husband and daughter. The story that unfolds is one of insecurity, secrets, belonging, and family.

I love a non-linear narrative, and seem to actively seek them out. The Vanishing Half does just that, weaving through characters point of view, as well as times and generations. Not only do we hear about Stella and Desiree, but Desiree’s daughter Jude, and Stella’s daughter Kennedy as well. The switching of points of view made me want to come back to a particular character, wanting to know where their story would end. As they interacted, I wanted to know what the other was thinking.

But it was particularly the gaps in the story that kept me on my toes. Desiree and Stella leave each other early on, and are left wondering about the others life. It’s the moments of longing, of wondering, of yearning for knowledge that makes the book what it is. The gaps in each others story, filled only by their imagination, like we so often do with lost friends or family, is beautifully crafted by Bennet. It makes Stella and Desiree jump off the page.

I was also fascinated to see the way that two women, identical in every way could live such contrasting lives. Desiree eventually returns to Mallard and works at the local bar, while Stella lives in L.A, in a White community. The contrast in their external experiences, and the experiences of their children, reestablished the arbitrary classification of race. Something as fleeting as choosing how to identify changed Stella and Desiree’s lives forever. It makes you believe in the futility of prejudice. It makes you see that skin color as a designation is arbitrary.

Similarly, Jude’s quest for clear origins is wonderful to read through. Jude knows very little about her mother, her father, and her aunt, Stella. Feeling somewhat untethered in her history, she wonders about the people in her life. The people who appear so fleetingly or in the periphery. Her quest is not one of origin, but more of definition.  She’s looking for more information to fill out her backstory, rather than using that information to figure out who she is now.

The narrative arc that stood out to me the most, however, was Stella’s. Stella lives as a White woman, hiding her identity from everyone, including her Black neighbor. The constant anxiety, and threat she feels and the imposter syndrome that she feels at all times was so poignantly told.

“She hadn’t realized how long it takes to become somebody else, or how lonely it can be living in a world not meant for you.”

Contrast that insecurity to her daughter, Kennedy’s love of acting. Kennedy tells Jude at one point that she enjoys being another person, which is why she loves acting. Something that diametrically opposes Stella’s desire to act. Stella wants to belong, wants to be a White woman, but knows deep within her that there is conflict. Stella’s internal struggle didn’t only have to do with feeling like she didn’t belong, but the ease with which she could pretend, and the way that this dilemma hinders her personal growth. The Stella we see at the beginning of the book is not the Stella we see at the end. Her struggle to accept herself as a White woman is a part of that growth.

While colorism is the central thesis of the book, with Desiree and Stella having completely different lives because of the color of their skin, Bennet also brings in many different and interesting themes into the story. We see how the secrets within families add to the complex dynamics of relationships. We see how the need to belong can push you to do things that you’re ashamed of. We see the different ways that people seek to belong.

“You could convince anyone you belonged somewhere if you acted like you did.”

The Vanishing Half is a complex story, told well through the eyes of the many interesting characters in the story. It’s told in a way that allows the reader to insert their own introspection, their own thoughts into a complex and difficult narrative. It’s easy to follow and quick paced. No detail felt too trivial, and no character felt underdeveloped. I understand why it’s nominated for the 2021 Women’s Prize for Fiction, and I hope it wins.